Lost in passing

Dear Granny,

Oh for how many years I have been Patricia instead of your little Pinky. Living under this masquerade was like dancing at a masked ball--everything seems to be fancy at the first sight, yet grows exhaustingly fraudulent rather soon.

I could not answer you why I did not tell the conductor my true identity. I told you that I was only a naive child--yet have I ever thought otherwise...Granny, granny, forgive me please, for God's sake. It was such a tempting invitation to say "I am white". It seemed like a brave new world will unfold itself after these three magical words. Yet young and unexperienced as I was, I had no idea what I will be losing.

The difference between "up there" and "down here" does not only reside in location. I had gained respect in the north. However, the respect was not to me Pinky, but to an educated white "lady'. It might have been the life which I desire, but it is not truly me who was living that lifestyle. Only when I am "down here", in Ms Em's clinic

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